About 90% of the time I worry about anything it’s the far future. But tonight while I was driving home I somehow caught myself having a small meltdown about the present to near future. At first I didn’t know why it was happening, but then i thought about the events of the day and realized a lot of things— mostly that i’m not happy here anymore (if i ever was). For the most part I guess I’m unhappy with my surroundings— the lack of opportunity or options here. There isn’t anything I can do to fix it. I feel stuck. I thought I was finished living in Texas for at least a few years, but after being there I don’t belong in the Midwest, not that I ever felt that I did in the first place. The people are also a major factor in the way I feel. For some reason I find a lack of self respect in people, a lack of realness. There are more things to do besides get drunk or have arguments. I guess I see more potential in myself as opposed to many people here.I honestly don’t know what I’m even saying anymore: it’s late and i’m fucking angry. I guess it’ll make more sense later.

In the meantime, i’m considering schools in Tennessee.